Have You Thought About The Ripple Effect in Your Query Letter?

Why causality— or the ripple effect— in your query letter is key to hooking an agent.

In this blog post, I want to talk about the plot paragraph in your query letter. In my humble opinion, the plot paragraph—or what I call the “hook” paragraph (yes, I’m aware some agents refer to this as the “book” paragraph!)—is often where writers tend to lose agents.

This happens for many reasons, but one of the most common is a lack of the ripple effect.

I wrote about the elements of a query letter in this blog post on querying fiction here. But let’s quickly recap what agents expect from your plot paragraph in a query letter. The plot paragraph is where you tell us about (and sell us on) the premise of your book. This paragraph needs to establish who your protagonist is and answer the following questions:

• What do they want?

• Why do they need to get it?

• What’s standing in their way?

• What’s at stake if they don’t get it?

Sounds simple, right? I wish! If plot paragraphs were that straightforward to write, we wouldn’t be here right now.

When we approach the plot paragraph as a checklist as I’ve just established here, we miss something crucial: causality. In my opinion, causality—the ripple effect (or domino effect; pick your player!)—is the driving force of your plot paragraph. Causality is the chain that connects the “who-what-when-why” elements of your story, showing how one event leads to another, which leads to another, creating a sense of forward-moving momentum. This ripple effect is the secret sauce that hooks agents and keeps them engaged. It’s what elevates your plot paragraph into a coherent narrative rather than some random facts or events thrown together. The agent knows that you know why these events are thrown together, but they don’t have time to ask or guess. They need to walk away with a clear understanding of your plot from the first read. 

Let’s look at an example I came up with. (Disclaimer: I’m not an author, so don’t be too harsh in critiquing me here! I do not come up with story ideas for a living!)

Imagine a horror story with this premise: Jane, a woman who inherits her distant great aunt’s old house, is broke and in debt. She wants to repair the house and sell it for profit. But as she works on it, a sinister force is awakened, and Jane discovers it wants her to suffer for the bloody mistakes of her ancestors—mistakes her great aunt might have known about and which may have led to her death. 

A plot paragraph without causality might look like this:

Jane inherits her great aunt’s crumbling house in Winshire. The news comes as a relief to Jane; debt collectors are harassing her every day. Desperate, she decides to fix up the house and sell it to pay off her debts and finally reopen her business. As she works, she discovers a hidden heirloom and learns that her family has a dark history, putting her in danger. Strange and sinister things start to happen, and Jane realizes the house could cost her more than her dreams.

In this version, we get the basic plot points, but it reads as flat and disconnected. Sure, we know what Jane wants and what’s at stake, but how did she discover the heirloom? Why do strange things suddenly start happening? Do they happen randomly or are they triggered by something? What about her family’s history puts her in danger? 

Now consider this version:

When Jane inherits her distant great aunt’s crumbling house, she sees it as her only way to escape crippling debt and finally reopen her business. Desperate for cash, Jane starts renovating, but each repair stirs the house’s dark past, unlocking unsettling events and triggering strange visions of the past tied to her family’s destructive legacy in Winshire. After the visions lead her to discover a hidden family heirloom in the decaying walls— evidence her aunt hid in an attempt to bury the truth of their ancestors’ crimes— Jane realizes she must confront the dark legacy her family tried to erase. If she fails to undo the damage caused by her ancestors, she risks being consumed by the house’s malevolent forces like her great aunt before her.

This version clearly shows how Jane’s actions—renovating the house and uncovering the heirloom—directly lead to the house’s sinister awakening. By ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next, we get a clearer sense of the stakes and the story’s progression. Highlighting the ripple effect also allows us to see Jane as a more active character. In the first version, things seem to happen to Jane, as though she’s just along for the ride. But in the second version, Jane’s actions are driving the plot forward: Jane does A, which causes B, which leads to C.

When writing your plot paragraph, ask yourself: What does this cause? Each sentence should logically lead to the next. Ensuring that there’s a clear ripple effect in your query creates a sense of dynamic progression, culminating in the story’s climax. It’s also a great way to highlight your protagonist as an active character—someone making decisions and taking actions that shape the course of the story. And that is key to agents investing in your story and its premise.

Okay, now go review your query letter and make sure the causality is clear in your plot paragraph!